Day TEN - Uh, Oops

Ok, so this was supposed to be No Excuses. So here are my lame-o excuses that are disappointing to even me:


1. Its cold in my house! Something is going on with my boiler (yes, dude it is like 100 years old), and the heat doesn't cycle back on. So it has been 40 degrees in my house every day when I get home and I don't want to change into my exercise clothes.


2. Something is going on in my head. I don't know if it is allergies or a cold or WTF. My nose is running like water and I'm tired of wiping it (blowing it does nothing since it is swollen shut). Headaches, sore throat, general energy wipe-out. Blah.

Better excuses:



1. The cold sore I had turned out to be flesh eating bacteria that migrated through my bloodstream into my legs and one had to be amputated on Monday, that's why I haven't worked out. ps - just kidding. I don't get cold sores. That's gross.


2. The gnomes in my basement haven't gotten anything to eat in a while since the mice moved out. I'm afraid to go down there in case they want to eat me. ps - this could not be true since the mice in my house actually ate their way out of a plastic trap and would probably kick the gnomes asses. I should really be more afraid of the mice.

I'M GETTING BACK ON TRACK TOMORROW. I do actually feel icky for not working out in a few days.



Get It?

Day SIX - Down but Not Out

I hurt my back yesterday. I think it originally happened over a lifting injury - yes, not lifting from the knees like I was supposed to. This was years ago. Now, very seldomly, if I twist funny, it freaks out, which was what happened yesterday. I think I was kicking a door shut. Generally a couple days of rest and not sitting for too long gets it back up and running. The first time it happened I went in to check it out and the doctor said it might be a slipped or bulging disc (ew), but I went to a massage therapist and she worked the muscles and it loosened up enough to be awesome (no, seriously, it was way better than 'good'). It already feels better today so hopefully tomorrow will be great.

I'm thinking that improving the tone in my core will prevent this kind of thing from happening in the first place. So I'm looking forward to that. I'm not giving up!

Day FIVE - Back on the Wagon

Taking a day off has generally been dangerous for me. One afternoon off becomes "I'll do it before bed", which becomes "I'll do it in the morning before work", which becomes "I'll just do it after work like regular" and so on. One day off becomes three days off and then I ask "why bother?". But I actually did better because of this blogging. I didn't want to have to admit missing two days in a row. So I'm back on the wagon today.

Since I work Saturdays until 11pm or so, I pretty much know it's not going to happen after work, so this morning I did the "TurboJam - Turbo Sculpt". Much different from the TurboJam Cardio Party in that you don't have to bounce and kick and punch so damn much. Turbo Sculpt is strength training. And its HARD. I used 5 lb weights and had to skip a set once or twice. But I did finish all 40 minutes. Afterwards it was hard to walk up the stairs.

The additional feature on the DVD during my post-workout solo stretching party was "Chalene 'Jam'z' the trainers". I couldn't quite tell if it was a parody of "punk'd" or just a weak, un-funny imitation. Although having never watched Punk'd, its possible the show is a week, un-funny original. Chalene even had the trucker hat ala Ashton Kutcher. The DVD set isn't that old, but felt instantly dated. Of course, going online now, Chalene is pimping her NEW training video set... get this... ChaLEAN. Does this woman have no-one in her organization who could come up with a better title? Although, really, how many exercise videos have good titles? Lets explore the few:

Turbo Jam
The P90X System
Hip-Hop Abs
Brand New Butt
Perfect Abs
Killer Butt with Dolores Munoz (OK, I want this one)
Abs/Buns of Steel
Tae-Bo
Yoga Booty Ballet
Joyce Vedral: Just Bra-Roll-Boobs (WTF?)
Your Best Butt Fast

I think they need better names, such as:

90 days to a Quarter Bouncing ass
Work it like I worked your mom last night
He Glutes, He scores!
Yoga: this stuff WILL kill you
Fitter? I dont even know her!
We put the "O-Hell" in Cardio. The Hell is silent.

Comment with your examples of "improved" titles.

Day FOUR - I'm pretty sure God rested on the fourth day, didn't he?

So it was a pretty rough day today. My husband and I have two cars. One of them had a pretty major mishap in late December. Bill was driving home when the engine died. There is an entire crazy story about the tow truck adventure that night and the car was left at "Tuan's Auto Repair" in the semi-shady section of town. After not hearing anything from "Tuan", I arranged to have the car towed to the Suzuki dealership. They looked at it and determined that "all the oil fell out" and the engine seized and would need to be replaced, at a cost of $3000. But this is all old news.

I called the dealership today and was going to ask when they would start charging storage fees and explain that we did not have the money yet, and would be willing to tow it away if necessary. However, they told me that the car had already been "picked up" and to contact my bank. I did that, and the bank said "we have no record of that, you are up to date on your payments, call the city (to report it stolen)". Called back to the dealership and they finally fessed up that it had been towed by a reposession service after they had "repeatedly tried to contact you" (There was only one phone call on the caller ID from the dealership, the day the car was towed). Calling the repo service, they said that unless they got a statement from the bank, the car could go up for auction "at any time". Calling the bank, I got mad and finally found somebody who could say what was up. They too "tried to contact us" (I answered the phone from Wells Fargo that week and they would not tell me what the issue was because I was not Bill) and decided to "recover" the vehicle, despite it not being behind any payments. They were "upset" to hear that the dealership had lied about the amount of time the vehicle was there and that the vehicle was not in running condition (presumably destroying auction value).

Long story short... It will cost $800 to get the car from the repo lot, and then it still will need a new engine.

Needless to say I was upset. So instead of working out, I went drinking. Three tequillas later, life was in perspective. Shit happens, life goes on. But, I didn't work out because I fell asleep when I got home. Oops. I guess my "rest day" happened sooned than I wanted to. Back at it tomorrow.

Day THREE - I Officially HATE Cardio

I've never enjoyed cardio anything. I tried running once or twice. People who do it make it look all extra easy, running and chatting the whole way about coupons and their fabulous lives with their friends. TALKING. While they run. My adventures with running generally ended up with my trying to pry the cap off a fire hydrant with my bare hands because I was convinced that my lungs were literally on fire and I was going to burn to death. Either I don't breathe right, of I have tiny lungs inside my huge rib cage or I'm just a lazy sad sack who didn't try hard enough. I'm going with number one, Bob.

So I did Turbo Jam- Cardio Party last night. 45 minutes of jumping, kicking, and punching with Chalene, the bubbly, smiling, 3% body fat cheerleader. It definitely put the work in workout. I made it all the way through the video, which I don't think I've ever done before, so yay me for that. Although maybe 1/4 of the time was me standing there going, "what the f**k are you doing now??". The video moves VERY fast, and they do a lot of crazy combos that I can't remember. Speedbag, uppercut, 4 fast cross-punches, front knee, back kick, two front kicks, back kick, side squat, other side squat, side kick, other side kick and start over. I generally lost it after speedbag. You have to have your balance or you are lost. It goes very fast which isn't great for me because then I lose my form. My knees started hurting from all the kicking because it was SO FAST. The video also annoys me because all of the people in the video are TurboJam instructors who smile the whole time and kick over their heads and don't sweat or drink water. I Hate Them. So what if super-hot Anna-Rita in the back lost 75 pounds. Show me fat Anna-Rita puffing and struggling through the damn kicks like I am. I may stick with the 20 minute Turbo Jam for a while and pair it with something else.

I always do more stretching than the cool-down because they don't hold stretches long enough for me to feel them. So I usually watch the special features while I stretch. Last night it was "Meet the Cardio-Party Cast!" because everything Chalene says ends with an !!!!. Every one of them was like, "Oh, I'm a former Laker Girl Cheerleader and I'm addicted to Turbo Jam!" or "I lost 40 pounds and now I'm addicted to Turbo Jam!" They all can't get enough of Turbo Jam so they are instructors. And they are addicted. I have a theory that Chalene puts angel dust in the water. Or speed. No one in their right mind should be addicted to Turbo Jam.

Day TWO - See the funny thing is...

For me the biggest hurdle is just DOING it. Its fairly ironic, there are tons of things that I must do - that I don't even particularly dislike doing, and that I actually enjoy the outcome of, I just don't like starting. Getting into the shower in the morning, getting out of bed, getting out the toothpaste, taking out a pot to cook, walking to the sink to take my medication. Its not like I don't know what happens when I don't do these things: stink, mouth rot, starvation and debilitating thoughts that I'm not good enough (I tried to make a suicide joke here, but I just couldn't make it funny). I'm just really bad at motivating myself to do thing that I have to do.

Last night I did "The Biggest Loser Boot Camp - Week 1" again, and I added a little 6 minute abs video from cable on demand - from the original "abs of steel" video girl! She even had big posters up in her "studio" of the VHS cover pictures with those totally 80s spandex-y jobs. It was awesome and HARD, but it was clearly a cut-down version because some of the exercises didn't repeat on the other side. Man, I'm gonna be ripped - I'll have a 3-pack! During "Biggest Loser" I really concentrated on deep lunges, rather than going half-way. I had trouble keeping up with the pace that way but I really felt it and my "glutes" are really sore today. In a good way. I forgot how much I enjoy the feeling the next day after a good workout.

Day Two Success!

Day ONE

If you are reading this, STOP. I can't imagine anything on earth more boring than reading someone else's workout diary. My only reason for putting this online is that it gives me one less reason to cheat or lazy-out. I suppose if you are still reading by this point, there is no use dissuading you. So I'll introduce myself. I'm 27 years old, I work in the non-profit sector and I love my job. I have been married coming up on 5 years. I am 5'10" tall. It is usually a big fat cop-out when people say "I'm big boned", emphasis on fat. Unfortunately, in my case it is true. I have a big skeleton. It is tall. It is wide. I have a big rib cage and broad shoulders. My hands are like shovels and I can barely wear ladies shoes. So to the other people I say - Until you shop for pumps in the tranny store with the rest of the gay-pride parade - YOU ARE NOT BIG BONED!

I always thought working out was a little bit vain. Let the pretty people in L.A. do it - they get paid to look good. My job had been educating the citizens of tomorrow, which always came ahead of taking care of myself - including exercising. I'm trying to change that.

So, today is day one. Or rather, yesterday was day one. I suppose my blogs will always be one day later... so - day one. I did 30 minutes of "Biggest Loser Boot Camp - Week 1". It was pretty pathetic. I'm beyond sedentary, I'm sedimentary. I could form rocks in my ass for the amount I use it. Lots of puffing and sweating, but I got through it using 5lb weights. Its a little frustrating - the basement where I work out (because the TV is there) has a ceiling that does not allow me to raise my arms up straight without either punching out a light fixture, or scraping my knuckles on the "texture". I only have about a 3'x6' patch of floor, so no traveling lunges unless I turn sideways. I DO have a "step" right there because - don't ask me - there is a "stage" in the middle of the room. Maybe I'll take some pictures next time.

I DID make an amazing discovery last night on Comcast - cable on demand, there is an exercise channel. I was worried about getting bored. More about that later.


Yay Day One!